i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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