Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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