Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
