apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
