the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
