Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
