I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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