today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
