Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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