WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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