we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
