oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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