drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
