I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
