i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
