I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
