I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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