I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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