We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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