I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We need to get me chipped asap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
