I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
