haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
