You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
