it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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