Your dad touched me again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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