I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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