You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
