and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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