we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
