I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is Oprah even human
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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