Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
