I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
