Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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