two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
