im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize