Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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