So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
