I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
