totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
