I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
