i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
