im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
