i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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