i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
