I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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