Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
