if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize