Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
