I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
