My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
