Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
