It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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