Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
