Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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