who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
