haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He uses pillows to masturbate.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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