I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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