Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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