I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
