found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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