we have officially lost it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you would pick up someone in the library
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Farmville is her only friend.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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