your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
