I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
